I was talking with my wife tonight about the hot button topic (in our household) of the color pink. For the first time, I think I was able to articulate what my problem with pink for girls, and specifically my girl, so here it is. This could be a little long.
I've got two kids now, a boy and a girl. I love them equally, and have equal hopes for both of them in the future, that includes professionally, socially, politically, financially. But the sad truth is, my son has far more choices tailored for him than his sister. There are more jobs that people will assume he is better at, more types of toys pushed in his direction to develop skills with, more positive role models held up to strive to be like, and frankly, more colors for him to choose from to wear, surround himself with, or decide are his favorite.
The environment and clothes that you give your kids form a very early part of their identity. Before they can speak, they'll start to internalize certain things as comfortable, as part of them, as theirs. These things will catch their eyes and attention almost immediately. Colors are a part of that. My son's wardrobe isn't dominated by any one color. He's got red, blue, orange, green, black, white, yellow, and purple shirts, in roughly equal numbers. "Boy" stuff, beyond newborn layette, doesn't come mostly in blue, or any other color.
My daughter already has about 1/3 of her wardrobe in pink. Frankly, it's difficult not to get any. We've got plenty of gifts, for which I don't want to imply I'm not gracious. There are hand me downs, etc, and if it's made for girls, most likely it's got pink on it. Brown is in these days, accented by pink. Rock and roll clothes for girls are often black... with pink accents. It's as if society wants to make sure we never forget that's a girl, and yet our boy needs no reminders.
The problem comes in as she gets older, and since conservatively 1/3 of her clothes are pink, that color becomes the most familiar, the most likely to be comforting. So when we're at a store, and the kids are being whiny brats crying for whatever toys catches their eye, what will more likely catch hers? Pink stuff. What will catch his? ANYTHING ELSE. My son is allowed to like anything, except a small subset of things that he's been told are for girls. (This affects our boys too!) My daughter on the other hand, is ONLY really allowed to like stuff that's in a small subset of all things that she's been told are okay for girls. The lesson here? Male is default, female is a small subsection, and not the norm.
Now, what sorts of things are in that subset? Let's do really surface searches on the biggest store sites. Target.com has a number of "boy toys" on its front page when you click boy toys. One is a competition game with tops (Beyblades), one is an action figure accessory, one is a remote control chopper, one is a race track. So, sports(ish), action, and fine motor control. All of these sport multiple colors, by the way, no dominant color.
Go to the girls' toys link. Dolls. Dolls with clothes. LegoFriends, in which the minifigs were designed to be more like dolls. A dvd for Brave (one good thing!) Except for the Brave stuff, guess what the dominant color in ALL of those other girl toys is?
Look up boys' bikes on Amazon. Tons of colors. Blue, orange, black, green, red, silver. Girls' bikes? 17 out of the top 20 are pink. I stopped counting after that.
Why the hell is my little girl not allowed the same choices as my son? Sure, she can buck the trend, and end up the social misfit. What kind of choice is that?
Where does this lead? It makes sense to me that this leads to a lifetime of subconsciously being told which things are allowed for her, because those certain things are more comfortable, and socially acceptable for her. And, as I mentioned, while he's got the rest of the world open to him, it makes certain things off limits for my boy. By the time they are middle school age, both kids will have been bombarded with images and ideas about what's okay and expected of them to enjoy, excel at, and strive for, based on their gender rather than their strengths.
These roles lead to nonsense like the wage gap. I'm not okay with my daughter not being able to earn as much as my son for the same job in most fields. That's not okay. These roles taught early on will tell my daughter that she won't be as good in math and science as my son. That's not okay. These limited selections of toys will tell my daughter that when she has a family someday, the bulk of the work in raising the family should be hers, and not shared equally by her partner (if she's straight, who knows?) That's not okay. These early acceptable forms of play will tell my daughter that pretty is more important than strong. That's not okay. These fashion dolls will tell my daughter that a big part of her place in society is to be an object of desire for a man. That's not fucking okay. These limited palettes will tell my daughter that when a teacher hands out construction paper, she should ask for the pink, even if she really wants the green. That's not okay.
The other side of this is that these roles that are deemed okay for girls are never allowed to grow up. Pink, like baby blue, is a soft color that's associated with, well, babies. I said at the beginning, yes, baby boy stuff is light blue as often as girl stuff is pink. But by the time they're holding their heads up and having tummy time, the boy clothes, toys, etc, have taken on new hues. Darker blues, reds, rugged greens, and exuberant oranges. Girl stuff? Still baby pink. The message here is that girl stuff is frivolous. It's child's play, it's not serious, not valued, not strong, not grown up. Ladies, if you need a new hammer, we made one in a baby color for you (look up "women's tools" on Amazon.)
I can't completely shield her from all of this. But while she's still a toddler, still a baby, still mostly around her home, I can keep that influence out. I can try to keep her from bonding with one seemingly innocent color that will lead her down a very narrow path. If she chooses that path anyway, at least I'll know it was one of many choices, whether I agree with it or not.
Is pink an evil color? Nope. I like it. It's a happy color. Pinkie Pie is one of my favorite ponies (but Rainbow Dash is way better). But in 2012, in America, for our little girls, it's a trap that they will be taught to walk right into.
